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Tuesday, February 07, 2006
21 Wise Sayings
1. The best way to get even is to forget...
2. Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death.
3. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts...
4. Some folks wear their halos much too tight...
5. Some marriages are made in heaven, but they ALL have to bemaintained on earth...
6. Unless you can create the WHOLE universe in 5 days, thenperhaps giving "advice" to God, isn't such a good idea.
7. Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up...
8. Standing in the middle of the road is dangerous.You will get knocked down by the traffic from both ways.
9. Words are windows to the heart.
10. A skeptic is a person who when he sees the handwriting onthe wall, claims it's a forgery.
11. It isn't difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill,just add a little dirt.
12. A successful marriage isn't finding the right person-it'sbeing the right person.
13. The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held itsground.
14. Too many people offer God prayers with claw marks all overthem.
15. The tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can'thold it.
16. To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discoverthe prisoner was you.
17. You have to wonder about humans, they think God is dead andElvis is alive.
18. It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again.Just be sure to flush when you are done.
19. You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when itsticks out its neck...
20. If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, youcan bet the water bill is higher.
21. And last but not least -- God gave the angels Wings, and Hegave humans CHOCOLATE!!!!!
Keep smiling, and ....if you see someone's missing one.... give themone of yours!!
~Author Unknown21 Wise Sayings
1. The best way to get even is to forget...
2. Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death.
3. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts...
4. Some folks wear their halos much too tight...
5. Some marriages are made in heaven, but they ALL have to bemaintained on earth...
6. Unless you can create the WHOLE universe in 5 days, thenperhaps giving "advice" to God, isn't such a good idea.
7. Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up...
8. Standing in the middle of the road is dangerous.You will get knocked down by the traffic from both ways.
9. Words are windows to the heart.
10. A skeptic is a person who when he sees the handwriting onthe wall, claims it's a forgery.
11. It isn't difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill,just add a little dirt.
12. A successful marriage isn't finding the right person-it'sbeing the right person.
13. The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held itsground.
14. Too many people offer God prayers with claw marks all overthem.
15. The tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can'thold it.
16. To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discoverthe prisoner was you.
17. You have to wonder about humans, they think God is dead andElvis is alive.
18. It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again.Just be sure to flush when you are done.
19. You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when itsticks out its neck...
20. If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, youcan bet the water bill is higher.
21. And last but not least -- God gave the angels Wings, and Hegave humans CHOCOLATE!!!!!
Keep smiling, and ....if you see someone's missing one.... give themone of yours!!
~Author Unknown
1. The best way to get even is to forget...
2. Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death.
3. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts...
4. Some folks wear their halos much too tight...
5. Some marriages are made in heaven, but they ALL have to bemaintained on earth...
6. Unless you can create the WHOLE universe in 5 days, thenperhaps giving "advice" to God, isn't such a good idea.
7. Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up...
8. Standing in the middle of the road is dangerous.You will get knocked down by the traffic from both ways.
9. Words are windows to the heart.
10. A skeptic is a person who when he sees the handwriting onthe wall, claims it's a forgery.
11. It isn't difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill,just add a little dirt.
12. A successful marriage isn't finding the right person-it'sbeing the right person.
13. The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held itsground.
14. Too many people offer God prayers with claw marks all overthem.
15. The tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can'thold it.
16. To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discoverthe prisoner was you.
17. You have to wonder about humans, they think God is dead andElvis is alive.
18. It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again.Just be sure to flush when you are done.
19. You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when itsticks out its neck...
20. If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, youcan bet the water bill is higher.
21. And last but not least -- God gave the angels Wings, and Hegave humans CHOCOLATE!!!!!
Keep smiling, and ....if you see someone's missing one.... give themone of yours!!
~Author Unknown21 Wise Sayings
1. The best way to get even is to forget...
2. Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death.
3. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts...
4. Some folks wear their halos much too tight...
5. Some marriages are made in heaven, but they ALL have to bemaintained on earth...
6. Unless you can create the WHOLE universe in 5 days, thenperhaps giving "advice" to God, isn't such a good idea.
7. Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up...
8. Standing in the middle of the road is dangerous.You will get knocked down by the traffic from both ways.
9. Words are windows to the heart.
10. A skeptic is a person who when he sees the handwriting onthe wall, claims it's a forgery.
11. It isn't difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill,just add a little dirt.
12. A successful marriage isn't finding the right person-it'sbeing the right person.
13. The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held itsground.
14. Too many people offer God prayers with claw marks all overthem.
15. The tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can'thold it.
16. To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discoverthe prisoner was you.
17. You have to wonder about humans, they think God is dead andElvis is alive.
18. It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again.Just be sure to flush when you are done.
19. You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when itsticks out its neck...
20. If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, youcan bet the water bill is higher.
21. And last but not least -- God gave the angels Wings, and Hegave humans CHOCOLATE!!!!!
Keep smiling, and ....if you see someone's missing one.... give themone of yours!!
~Author Unknown
Friday, March 26, 2004
If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap
If you want happiness for a day, go fishing
If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune
If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.
(Chinese proverb.)
If you want happiness for a day, go fishing
If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune
If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.
(Chinese proverb.)
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Could not resist this one
Here's a good laugh for the day -- unless, of course, you are exceptionally bright!!! (Some of you may have seen these)
This test consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a "professional". Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult.
But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question!
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an
overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and
close the refrigerator?" Wrong Answer.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator; take out the giraffe put
in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think
through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend..........except one.
Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the
refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.
Okay even if you did not answer the first three questions
correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross but it is inhabited by
crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you
not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.
Send this out to frustrate all of your smart friends.
PS: Just the fact that I sent it to you should make you feel good, just carefully read the last statement above!!
Here's a good laugh for the day -- unless, of course, you are exceptionally bright!!! (Some of you may have seen these)
This test consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a "professional". Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult.
But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question!
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an
overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and
close the refrigerator?" Wrong Answer.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator; take out the giraffe put
in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think
through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend..........except one.
Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the
refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.
Okay even if you did not answer the first three questions
correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross but it is inhabited by
crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you
not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.
Send this out to frustrate all of your smart friends.
PS: Just the fact that I sent it to you should make you feel good, just carefully read the last statement above!!
Ralph Murray sent this along
THE CLASS OF 2007
Just in case you weren't feeling old enough today, this will
certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in
Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the Faculty a sense of
the mindset of this year's incoming freshman.
Here is this year's list:
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were
born in 1985.
They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and probably
did not know he had ever been shot.
They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.
There has been only one Pope in their lifetime.
They were 10 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember
the Cold War.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Tiananmen Square means nothing to them.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums.
The statement "You sound like a broken record" means nothing to
them.
They have never owned a record player.
They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of Pong.
They may have never heard of an 8 track. The Compact Disc was
introduced when they were 1 year old.
They have always had an answering machine
Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they
seen a black and white TV.
They have always had cable.
There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what BETA was.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
They don't know what a cloth baby diaper is, or know about the
"Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up" commercial.
Feeling old Yet? There's more:
They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced by Sony.
Roller skating has always meant inline for them.
Michael Jackson has always been white.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They have never seen Larry Bird play.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as W.W.I, W.W.II and
the Civil War.
They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. (The correct
answer, by the way, is Ork)
They never heard: "Where's the beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a
Camel," or "De plane, de plane!"
They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. was.
Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not
bands.
There has always been MTV.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Do you feel old yet? If you do, then pass this on to some other
old fogies...but don't send it back to me, I feel old enough.
THE CLASS OF 2007
Just in case you weren't feeling old enough today, this will
certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in
Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the Faculty a sense of
the mindset of this year's incoming freshman.
Here is this year's list:
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were
born in 1985.
They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and probably
did not know he had ever been shot.
They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.
There has been only one Pope in their lifetime.
They were 10 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember
the Cold War.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Tiananmen Square means nothing to them.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums.
The statement "You sound like a broken record" means nothing to
them.
They have never owned a record player.
They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of Pong.
They may have never heard of an 8 track. The Compact Disc was
introduced when they were 1 year old.
They have always had an answering machine
Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they
seen a black and white TV.
They have always had cable.
There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what BETA was.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
They don't know what a cloth baby diaper is, or know about the
"Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up" commercial.
Feeling old Yet? There's more:
They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced by Sony.
Roller skating has always meant inline for them.
Michael Jackson has always been white.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They have never seen Larry Bird play.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as W.W.I, W.W.II and
the Civil War.
They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. (The correct
answer, by the way, is Ork)
They never heard: "Where's the beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a
Camel," or "De plane, de plane!"
They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. was.
Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not
bands.
There has always been MTV.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Do you feel old yet? If you do, then pass this on to some other
old fogies...but don't send it back to me, I feel old enough.
Saturday, March 20, 2004
Colin Smith sent this and its worthwhile to repeat this
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend by the name of
Common Sense
who has been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old he was
since his birth records
were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered
as having cultivated such value lessons as
knowing when to come in out of the rain,
why the early bird gets the worm and
that life isn't always fair.
Common Sense
lived by simple, sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you earn)
and reliable parenting strategies
(adults, not kids, are in charge).
His health began to rapidly deteriorate
when well intentioned but overbearing regulations
were set in place.
Reports of a six-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment
for kissing a classmate;
teens suspended from school
for using mouthwash after lunch;
and a teacher fired
for reprimanding an unruly student,
only worsened his condition.
It declined even further
when schools were required to get parental consent
to administer aspirin to a student;
but, could not inform the parents
when a student became pregnant
and wanted to have an abortion.
Finally,
Common sense lost the will to live
as the Ten Commandments became contraband;
churches became businesses;
and criminals received better treatment
than their victims.
Common Sense finally gave up the ghost
after a woman failed to realize
that a steaming cup of coffee was hot,
she spilled a bit in her lap,
and was awarded a huge settlement
Common Sense
was preceded in death
by his parents, Truth and Trust,
his wife, Discretion;
his daughter, Responsibility;
and his son, Reason.
He is survived by two stepbrothers;
My Rights and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral
because so few realized he was gone.
If you still know him pass this on,
Regards ,Barry
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend by the name of
Common Sense
who has been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old he was
since his birth records
were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered
as having cultivated such value lessons as
knowing when to come in out of the rain,
why the early bird gets the worm and
that life isn't always fair.
Common Sense
lived by simple, sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you earn)
and reliable parenting strategies
(adults, not kids, are in charge).
His health began to rapidly deteriorate
when well intentioned but overbearing regulations
were set in place.
Reports of a six-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment
for kissing a classmate;
teens suspended from school
for using mouthwash after lunch;
and a teacher fired
for reprimanding an unruly student,
only worsened his condition.
It declined even further
when schools were required to get parental consent
to administer aspirin to a student;
but, could not inform the parents
when a student became pregnant
and wanted to have an abortion.
Finally,
Common sense lost the will to live
as the Ten Commandments became contraband;
churches became businesses;
and criminals received better treatment
than their victims.
Common Sense finally gave up the ghost
after a woman failed to realize
that a steaming cup of coffee was hot,
she spilled a bit in her lap,
and was awarded a huge settlement
Common Sense
was preceded in death
by his parents, Truth and Trust,
his wife, Discretion;
his daughter, Responsibility;
and his son, Reason.
He is survived by two stepbrothers;
My Rights and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral
because so few realized he was gone.
If you still know him pass this on,
Regards ,Barry
